Speaking
First Steps, Again
Today was my first step to learning how to speak effectively. I went back to the Toasting Elegance Toastmasters club at the Labor and Industries building.
Walking in was a step. Sitting down was a step. Saying my name without my voice shaking — that was a step. Because for years, my voice was used for survival, not speaking. I was unhoused. In shelters. Trying to explain to a caseworker why I needed help. Trying to explain to a manager why I was late because the bus didn’t run. Trying to explain to a pastor why I didn’t have tithe money. My words were defense, not delivery.
But today was different.
I’m getting involved with Toastmasters because God teaches us about discipline, and discipline includes your mouth. Proverbs 18:21 — death and life are in the power of the tongue. I’ve lived the death part. I’ve spoken from fear, from worry, from lack. Worrying gets you sicker. Lack of faith and worrying causes triggers that affect everything, including how you talk. Now I want to learn the life part. How to speak with clarity. How to speak without confusion. Because something from God does not confuse you, and my words shouldn’t either.
I’m working on several offline projects. My book — the story of rising from the ashes, of being one paycheck from homeless and learning that you cannot help anyone until you have housing, a job, and savings to keep you away from the streets. A book doesn’t write itself on Facebook. It writes itself at 5AM. Get up. Get dressed. Get in the Word. Then write.
I’m working on a website to have a blog that will help me. Not for likes. For legacy. A place where my Bible becomes a living translation — not NIV, not King James, but me. A place where I can test the spirit of my own thoughts before I post them. 1 John 4:1. A place where the kingdom is within, not in the algorithm.
And I’m going back to school. Not because a degree will save me — consistency got me out, not a diploma. But because I’m done being underestimated. I have a Master’s, and I’ll get more if I need to. Education was part of how I rebuilt. Formal, spiritual, practical. It’s the bridge between the ashes and the assignment.
I used to think speaking was for pastors and politicians. People who had it all together. You can be a pastor and be wrong and spend your whole life in the church and not know God. You can have a microphone and still be confused. I don’t want a microphone until I have self-control. Galatians 5:22. Until I can go to bed at 10 and wake up at 8 am. Until my words match my walk.
So this is me, stepping up. Offline. In the Labor and Industries building. With a timer and an Ah-Counter and people who want to get better.
This is me, choosing growth over noise. Choosing books over breakdowns. Choosing blogs over arguing about religions when no one truly knows.
Today was my first step.
I’m not going back to the ashes.
I’m going to speak my way out.
