Learning

How I Actually Learn

I’m realizing now why I never understood accounting and Excel. I took classes. I passed. But I’m not an expert. I learned basic functions — SUM, AVERAGE, maybe a VLOOKUP if I squint hard enough — but it never clicked.

Because I’m someone that learns from watching. That’s how I learn. Show me. Don’t just hand me a textbook and expect me to figure it out.

At Diablo Valley College I was tested for a learning disability. I study those results now and I see it. I’m not broken. I just don’t learn the way they taught. And technical schools and poor teaching don’t give you advantage when they teach to the book, not to the student.

My mother always showed me the way and helped me with things to get me to this level in life. She didn’t just say “do your homework.” She sat with me. She walked me through it. She showed me step by step until it made sense. That’s how I got here. Not because I’m dumb. Because someone showed me.

Education is so important. But it is important to have professors and teachers that can teach you or show you the way — not just give you things and expect you to learn. Slides aren’t teaching. Worksheets aren’t teaching. “Read chapter 4” isn’t teaching.

Minority students especially learn differently. We come from homes where survival was the curriculum. Where trauma was the tutor. We need better educators that teach and show examples that help you learn. Show me on the board. Do it with me. Let me fail safely and try again. Don’t just grade me and move on.

I’m 51 and I’m still a PhD student in training — of myself, of systems, of how my brain works. I learn by watching. By doing. By repetition. By story. If you show me, I’ll get it. If you just tell me, I’ll drown.

That’s why I budget on paper first. That’s why I need YouTube tutorials for Excel. Because someone showed me, and now I show others.

We don’t need more homework. We need more teachers.

Cathryn M. Murray

Salem, Oregon | August 1, 2026