Honest

I’m Just Like Dhar Mann

I love Dhar Mann videos.

Not because they’re perfect. Because they’re honest. Because every episode is somebody at rock bottom looking up. Because the villain usually learns. Because the ending says what my mother said: “You’re not hopeless, you’re developing.”

And watching them, I realized: I am just like Dhar Mann.

Maybe not as famous as Dhar Mann. I don’t have a studio, or millions of subscribers, or actors who can cry on cue. But I can relate to how he felt when he was 30.

At 30, he’d already failed. He was figuring out that success without purpose is just noise. I get that. 

At 30, I wasn’t where I thought I’d be either. No prom pictures to post. No husband, no white picket fence. I was the girl who played with Barbies past 19, who found it easier to write than speak, who learned differently and was told I was behind. I was in a silent season. Not strong. Hiding my teeth because they weren’t “perfect.”

Rock bottom doesn’t always look like Dhar Mann's failure's. Sometimes it looks like a shelter cot. Sometimes it looks like a curfew. Sometimes it looks like showing up to a photo shoot with a real photographer, no AI, no filters, and thinking, “Do I even belong here?”

Some of his actors and actresses have hit rock bottom too and have struggled to fit into this world. Me too.

I’ve watched the stories. The homeless man who was once a doctor. The janitor everyone ignored who saves the company. The girl with crooked teeth who gets bullied. The 50-year-old woman told she’s “too old” to start over. 

That’s me. 

I’ve been the one people didn’t see. I’ve been the one who didn’t fit the mold. I’m 51, soon to be 52,  learning to love my crooked teeth because they made me. I’ve been unhoused. I’ve been underemployed. I’ve been underestimated. 

But like Dhar Mann’s characters, I didn’t stay there.

He rebuilds in his videos. I’m rebuilding in real life. One chapter a day of the book that’s dear to me. A professional website. Instagram and a public Facebook page that tell the truth, not just the figure-flattering pose. 5AM gym for better health. Word before world, water before worry, less processed foods. Three degrees done, enrolling in a PhD program for research — not just to put “Dr.” before my name.

Dhar Mann says, “What happens in the dark will come to light.” I believe that. My cocoon years were dark. My shelter years were dark. But God was there. And now, light.

I’m not famous. But I don’t need to be. 

Dhar Mann uses his platform to show that people can change. That kindness matters. That justice and mercy have to hold hands. That’s what Rev. Cecil Williams taught too — love unconditional and work for justice. 

That’s what I want. To use my story like Dhar Mann uses his videos: to say to somebody, “You’re not done. You’re developing.”

I love Dhar Mann videos because they remind me that rock bottom is not the end. It’s the floor you push off from.

And I’m pushing. 

Teeth and all.