California vs. Oregonian

California vs. Oregonian: A Hairy Situation

Let me explain the difference between a Californian and an Oregonian. It’s not just the state line. It’s a lifestyle. And a waxing schedule.

Californians:  

Californians are beautiful. I’ll give them that. They’ve got the spray tan, the 28-inch bundles, the lashes that could catch a draft, and the nails that click-clack like they’re typing a TED Talk. They’re contoured, filtered, and moisturized within an inch of their lives.  

In California, “natural” is a type of wine.  

In California, “camping” is a boutique hotel with no WiFi.  

In California, “hairy” is a type of dog.

God bless ‘em. They’re out here looking like a whole Instagram filter in human form.

Oregonians:  

Oregonians are… natural. 

We have hair. Real hair. On our heads. On our legs. Sometimes on our toes. And we’re not apologizing for it.  

We don’t wear fake hair — we grow hair.  

We don’t wear lashes — we have eyebrows that could survive a windstorm in the Gorge.  

We don’t contour — we have cheekbones from hiking Mt. Hood with no makeup and a granola bar.

In Oregon, “lash extensions” means the extra time you get at the DMV when it rains.  

In Oregon, “Brazilian” is a type of coffee, not a wax.  

In Oregon, if your legs aren’t hairy from November to May, are you even from here?

We put on Carhartt, not Fashion Nova.  

We put on Darn Tough socks, not ankle bracelets.  

We put on bug spray, not highlighter.  

The Test:  

Spill coffee on a Californian and she’ll cry because her white jumpsuit is ruined.  

Spill coffee on an Oregonian and she’ll say “it’s Patagonia, it’ll dry” and keep hiking.  

The Truth:  

I was born in Oregon, raised in the Bay, and came back to Oregon at 51. So I’ve lived both lives. California taught me how to look good. Oregon taught me how to be good — with hairy legs and all.

Californians are glam. Oregonians are grounded.  

Californians chase the sun. Oregonians are the sun, even under 200 days of clouds.  

Californians say “hot girl summer.” Oregonians say “hot soup winter” and mean it.

So no shade to my California sisters. Y’all are gorgeous. Keep the lashes. Keep the bundles. Keep the BBL.  

Me? I’m keeping my leg hair until June, my Birkenstocks until death, and my Oregonian card in my wallet right next to my library card.

Because in Oregon, we don’t fake it.  

We face it. With hair and all.

— Cathryn M. Harris  

51. Oregonian by birth. Californian by training. Hairy by choice.  

Teeth and all. Legs and all. No razor and all.